Countdown to Extinction 26
by kasrkintrooper
Summary: Sequel to Countdown to Extinction 1.5. Operation Boom Pole is under way. Will it work? Read only if you can laugh at yourself. Chapter Three is up. Operation Boom Pole fails but surprise ending follows! Not to be missed!
1. Chapter 1

**Transformers are the property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. I own this sorry story. Part Three only if there's a demand.**

**Part Two by popular demand. Operation Boom Pole is under way. Megatron, unbeknownst to his underlings, is online and he's not happy. What will he do when he finds out what they've been doing ever since his plans to harvest the Earth's energy and destroy the planet went awry?**

Operation Boom Pole

The remaining Decepticons were encountering formidable obstacles in their attempts to test the fat girl's plan. No matter how they tried, the simple fact that they were robots that transformed into fairly large fighter jets, trains or other complex machinery did not facilitate any variation of the human reproductive act. That did not mean they had lost any enthusiasm for the project; on the contrary, they spent a great deal of time researching the vast amount of pornography available on the World Wide Web. But they met another obstacle.

"Rumble, Frenzy" ordered Skywarp

"Yeah?" they said in unison

"Starscream told me to tell you to go rob another 7-11. He needs cash to open an account on SexyGirls dot com"

Why doesn't he do it himself?"

"He's busy doing research!"

"Well, he's been doing it for the three days! "

"He's working. Get going!"

The two brothers left. They enjoyed holding up convenience stores. It reminded them of the good old days, when all they did was steal energy, fight with the Autobots and plan more fights with the Autobots.

Laserbeak came back and popped into Soundwave.

"Laserbeak brings news" Soundwave informed them.

"Get on with it" Thundercracker snapped. He'd been in a bad mood ever since he read what the humans had written about him.

It was a recording of the Autobot Perceptor rambling on and on about some invention of his that shrank things. Thundercracker's interest was fading fast until he heard him theorizing about shrinking an Autobot.

"That gives me an idea. I have to talk to Starscream".

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Starscream was in Dr, Arkeville's secret laboratory, his optics fixed to a computer screen. Several humans were moaning and they were all engaging in various forms of sexual activity. He never knew anything like this could even be considered even remotely pleasurable but for some reason Starscream felt compelled to lock Doctor Arkeville in a broom closet and watch alone.  
Thundercracker attempted to contact Starscream through their comlink.

"What is it? I'm busy!" he shouted

"I have an idea! Let me in!"

"Oh, all right. But this better be good". With a great deal of effort, he disengaged from the screen.

Starscream listened with a scowl on his face.

"That's ridiculous! I'm not shrinking myself!"

"It doesn't have to be you".

"Who, then?"

"Skywarp".

"He'll never go for it".

"He doesn't have to know".

"Alright then. But first, we have to kidnap the Autobot nerd and bring him here. Get the Stunticons on it".

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Having succeeded in kidnapping Perceptor, Starscream explained his plan. Perceptor listened in amazement to what he proposed. What was going on? Had they all fallen apart when Megatron was destroyed, he wondered?

"I hope you realize, Starscream, what you're suggesting is simply physically impossible. Not to mention depraved".

"I didn't have you kidnapped to lecture me! I want it done!"

" I won't do it! It's ridiculous! Your logic boards must be fried!"

Starscream thought for a moment, then came up to him, putting his hand on his shoulder.

"Listen, there might be something in it for you".

"I don't transform into an F-15, I transform into a telescope! What would I do with a boom pole?"

He told him.

"Whaat...". Perceptor was thinking.

"Let's ask Dr. Arkeville about this. He's a human. He should be able to tell us what the human males do".

"Why didn't I think of that? He's in the broom closet. Let's get him" Starscream said,

As they were walking to the closet, they passed by the computer Starscream had been using.

"What's that?" Perceptor asked, pointing at the screen. Two human females were demonstrating their affection for each other.

"Have a closer look" Starscream wickedly.

Perceptor stopped and was immediately mesmerized by the images. He transformed to get a better look.

_Why, it's like a super, giant mind control ray_, thought Starscream. _I could use it to rule the world! _

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Dr. Arkeville was stunned. What kind of mess did I get myself into? I thought all they wanted to do was to rule the universe and now they just want to sit around and talk about girls, He looked at all the magazines and tapes littering his once pristine secret laboratory. Being a human nerd, Dr. Arkeville had absolutely no experience with women, never having been with one. But he was very familiar with the materials in the laboratory. He began telling them what he knew (which was very little).

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Hey Soundwave" Skywarp called out. "Lemme see your new boom pole"

"No".

"Come on".

Soundwave didn't respond.

"I'll show you mine" Skywarp said

"Soundwave superior, Skywarp inferior".

"My boom pole is bigger than yours" Skywarp said

"Skywarp inferior" Soundwave snickered.

"My boom pole is bigger than either one of yours" Thundercracker said, pulling his out. "I can refuel _two_ F-15 jets, not just one".

"So what? I can refuel an F-16" Skywarp yelled at him.

"Soundwave can refuel a C-130 cargo plane".

Astrotrain comes in.

"Those aren't boom poles._This_ is a boom pole!'. The arguing stopped.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

While all this was going on, a very irritated Megatron was on his way back to his HQ.


	2. Chapter 2

**Transformers are the property of their owners. No copyright infringement is intended. I own this sorry story. Third and last part.**

**This is the final chapter-read Countdown to Extinction 1.5 first. **

**Operation Boom Pole is a complete failure. Megatron is on his way back and he's not happy. What will he do when he finds out what they've been doing ever since his plans to harvest the Earth's energy and destroy the planet went awry?**

**A Different Kind Of Conquest**

Unfortunately for Starscream and the remaining Decepticons, things were not going well. Every attempt to carry out the fat girl's plan had been unsuccessful. A discussion of sorts was under way at Decepticon HQ.

"What went wrong with this last attempt?' Starscream asked.

"I don't know. The humans are weak-they fall apart" Skywarp complained.

"She just kept talking. Skywarp couldn't take it so he teleported out" Thundercracker volunteered.

"Let's try Rumble, then".

"Hey, I'm not doing it. No way!"

"Why not? We don't even have to shrink you".

"Yeah, that shrinking business-it gives me the creeps" Frenzy said.

"Why don't you shrink Perceptor?" Soundwave asked.

"Forget it-he's been glued to that computer for days. He's done for".

"Why don't you do it, then?" Rumbled asked

"Me? I'm leader now. I have responsibilities; besides, I think there's a law against inter-species interfacing, or something like that. Even if it's in the name of science" Starscream declared.

"What?" Skywarp yelled. He didn't want to end up in front of a court-martial. "Why didn't you tell me?"

"Relax. Nothing happened" Starscream said.

"Let's drop it" Astrotrain said. He thought the whole thing was stupid.

"He's right. No matter what we do, I think that nerd Perceptor was onto something-it's impossible to for us to engage in the human reproductive act in any way, shape or form. Under any circumstance. No matter what" Skywarp said.

"I came to the same conclusion some time ago". They all looked at Starscream in astonishment-in addition to anger.

"Why did you let me keep trying? I had to listen to one of them recite horrible poetry! I even had a human male beg me to do him!" Skywarp complained.

"Really?" Everyone looked at Skywarp with interest.

"What was his reasoning?"

"I don't know!"

"Did you ask him?" Starscream persisted.

"No, I killed him! What's your point?" he snapped.

"Don't get upset. I had to be sure. I have a new plan. And I know it will work."

"Yeah?" Everyone was used to Starscream's plans. "What is it this time?" Astrotrain asked.

He explained his new plan to them. They listened and then, they all smiled.

"So it's settled. Everyone who doesn't transform into a plane, get rid of your refueling boom".

Soundwave frowned under his faceplate.

"That's the best plan I've ever heard", said Rumble.

"Yeah", said Frenzy. "Ditto".

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Suddenly, Megatron stormed in on the meeting with a vengeance. He looked at all them menacingly. From sheer habit he walked over to Starscream and grabbed him by the neck.

"Having fun?" he sneered.

"Megatron!" Rumble said "We thought you were-you know..."

"Well, think again!"

He was really angry.

"Megatron, I'm so glad your back! And just in time, too!" Starscream greeted him, nervously.

"Oh?" He didn't believe it.

"Yes, I found the perfect way to destroy Optimus Prime and the Autobots! We were just waiting for you to return!"

"Of course you were". He was angry but he was intrigued.

"So tell me, what is this plan of yours?".

Starscream told him. He couldn't believe his audio processors.

"You spent your time looking at WHAT?" Megatron bellowed. "And you" he said, glaring at Skywarp "You actually attempted to..." He was speechless. Skywarp cowered, waiting for the blow. But it didn't come.

"It was all in the name of science" Starscream offered.

"And just what do you base this theory on?"

Starscream went to the console. He pushed a button and on the screen was an image of Perceptor, still in his alt mode, staring at the computer screen, which was logged onto an adult website.

"He's been there for nearly two weeks without moving!" Starscream said. "And I've modified one of our weapons to log Teletraan One onto this site on the human internets!"

"What would be the purpose of that?" Megatron asked crossly.

With a malicious twinkle in his optic, Starscream briefly glanced at his comrades, who were all hoping feverishly that he could pull this off. For once.

"Sit down, Mighty Megatron, and I'll show you".

Megatron sat down and waited as Starscream logged him onto the adult website.

"Whaat..." said Megatron.

It worked. Phase One was go.

---------------------------------------------------------------

"Perceptor!" Bumblebee greeted the Autobot. "We were so worried about you!"

Ironhide came and helped him into the Ark. Laserbeak flew in, unnoticed.

"You look awful! Didn't they feed you? Come on, let's get you squared away".

They took Perceptor in so everyone could see he was back, safe and sound.

---------------------------------------------------------------

Back at Decepticon HQ, they were all looking at the screen, waiting. Soundwave received confirmation.

"Laserbeak is in position" Soundwave declared.

They all looked around, anxiously. Starscream was waiting for all the Autobots to gather around Perceptor. The moment they were in place, Starscream gave the signal.

"Laserbeak: Deploy package".

Laserbeak fired the modified weapon; within seconds, someone had noticed that Teletraan One was displaying some very unusual images.

"What's that?" Bumblebee asked, pointing the screen.

They all stood there; one by one, they became glued to the screen. Optimus Prime noticed no one was talking . He turned to look at the screen.

Whaat..." he said to himself.

Phase Two completed.

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Starscream was tidying up a few details back on Cybertron. He contacted Astrotrain on Earth.

"Is that the last load of energon?"

"Affirmative" came the reply.

"See you soon. Make sure you lock the door".

He walked back to rejoin the party. Thundercracker gave him a drink.

"We pulled it off".

"Correction: _I_ pulled it off".

"That was genius, modifying our optics so we wouldn't be affected".

"Yes. Amazing the effect pornography has on the mind; I mean, look at Megatron. He's been rendered into a babbling fool, completely useless. Not to mention that the Autobots are completely out of commission".

"Who knew that the human's pornography was the key to winning the war?" Thundercracker wondered.

They looked over to the tub full of hot oil that Skywarp and Arcee were splashing around in. Soundwave was trying to convince Mooracer to join him. Just then, Elita One came up to Starscream and grabbed his arm.

"Come one, let's go in!"

He let her drag him to the hot tub.

"Thundercracker, make sure Astrotrain knows where the party is!" he called out.

Thundercracker looked around and saw Chromia waiting for him. He went up to her.

"Let's go. Time to get reacquainted".

As they were leaving, he heard Starscream whisper into Elita's audio. "Do you ever wonder what happened your ex-boyfriend, Optimus Prime?"

"Optimus who?"

The war was finally over; all were one.

The End.


End file.
